A White House Without a First Lady: Nell Arthur & Mary McElroy

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Welcome to Civics and Coffee, a history podcast. The show all about United States history, delivered to you and the time it takes to enjoy your morning cup of coffee. I'm your host, Alicia, a historian trained in United States history with a passion for telling both the known and unknown parts of America's past. So grab your coffee and get ready for some bite-sized history. Hey everyone. Welcome back. As Chester Arthur nervously awaited word about the fate of his boss and the commander-in-chief, President James Garfield, likely the last thing on his mind was who exactly would play the role of hostess should he in fact be called upon to serve. Having lost his wife before becoming vice president, Chester Arthur had been enjoying the DC social scene as a widower, and an altogether different set of expectations for social events. But when the infection from repeated intrusions into the president's wounds finally took the life of James Garfield, figuring out who would manage the White House social calendar was one of the many decisions the unprepared accidental president faced. Had she lived, it is entirely possible that Ellen Arthur would have enjoyed her time as First Lady and the social duties it demanded. Known for her appreciation of the finer things in life, Ellen Nell Arthur may have become another Julia Grant. But as I will cover today, the newly elevated president did not want anyone to take the place of his dearly departed wife and eventually asked his younger sister Mary to take charge. So this week I am diving into the lives of Nell Arthur and Mary McElroy. How did Nell and Chester meet? And what prompted Arthur to ask his sister Mary to join him in the White House? Grab your cup of coffee, peeps. Let's do this. If Chester Arthur is one of the forgotten presidents, then his wife Nell and Sister Mary are practically non-existent. That is a wee bit hyperbolic, but it is my dramatic way of indicating that this may be a shorter than usual episode due to the limited availability of source material that I could find. But with that, let's get started. Ellen Lewis Herndon was born August 30th, 1837, in Culpepper Courthouse, Virginia, to Mom Frances Elizabeth, who went by kit, and Father William Lewis, who served as a naval officer, joining the Navy as a teenager and building a career of service during the Seminole and Mexican Wars. Perhaps a byproduct of her father's long stints away due to his naval career, Ellen did not have any siblings and likely benefited from the attention that came from being the only child, demanding love and affection. Little is known about Ellen's childhood other than the family moved around in relation to the Patriarch's job assignments. In 1842, the family moved to Washington, D.C. after Herndon was appointed to the U.S. Navy Department's Depot of Instruments and Charts, located in today's U.S. Steval Observatory. Although Herndon had made a career of the Navy, this particular assignment was likely tied to nepotism, as he was related to his predecessor, who was both his cousin and brother-in-law. Family lore claims that Ellen made a famous friend during her brief stint in D.C., the one and only Dolly Madison, and that the two supposedly visited often. Now, while the timing of their residencies overlap, it is perfectly reasonable to be suspicious of such claims given the age disparity between the two women. At the time both women lived in D.C., Ellen would have been a precocious girl between the ages of five and ten, and Dolly would have been in her later years, between 74 and 79. It's hard to imagine where the two might have met or what interests they would have shared given the age gap, but stranger things have happened in politics. While in DC, Ellen was a member of the youth choir at St. John's Church on Lafayette Square, situated right across from the White House, and Ellen was known for her delicate singing voice, and it would be one of the things that attracted her future husband. In 1847, Ellen and her mother moved back to Virginia temporarily while her father performed his duty during the Mexican War. They briefly moved back to the Capitol, only to make another move, this time to New York in 1856, where her father assumed command of a merchant ship docked in the city. The family enjoyed frequent visits by her cousin Dabney Herndon, who was studying to become a doctor, and on one of those visits, he brought along a friend, Chester A. Arthur. Now, another source I read indicated that the couple may have met while Ellen was on a holiday in Saratoga, but regardless, they were drawn to one another and began a quick courtship that escalated to an engagement within the year. While planning their nuptials, the Herndon family suffered a tragic loss when the patriarch of the family would perish off the coast of North Carolina at Cape Hattera in September of 1857. In a testament to how respected and admired her father was, a public collection was taken to provide for Ellen and her mother, and the family was gifted a home on West 21st Street that they lived in temporarily, and a public monument was installed in William Lewis's honor at the Annapolis Naval Academy. Despite the fact that Ellen was not very close with her father due to his extended absences from the family home, his loss was still hard for mother and daughter, and thus the wedding was delayed to allow them time to grieve. The union did eventually take place with the couple exchanging vows at the Calvary Church on October 25th, 1859, near the Herndon family home, which hosted the reception and was described as quote, lavish, the rooms profuse with hanging baskets, vases and table bouquets of flowers, fruit baskets, and thousands of stewed, pickled, and raw oysters, lobster and chicken salads, champagnes, brandy, whiskey, sherry, rum, and Krakow, end quote. The couple went on a two-week honeymoon before returning to live with Widow Herndon, where they stayed until the outbreak of the Civil War in 1861. Whether through smart investments, thanks to the collection taken on their behalf or other family means, Arthur's mother-in-law was a wealthy woman, and Ellen brought certain expectations into her marriage. Her address book contained the names of the city's elite, including the Roosevelts and Vanderbilts. And in marrying Chester, Ellen had big ambitions. When the war broke out, there was likely a little tension given the varying family dynamics at play. While Ellen publicly supported her husband, there was no denying her family history, and her mother apparently made it quite clear exactly where her loyalties landed, taking off to Europe during the war. Adding stress to the situation, cousin Dapney Herndon, the man responsible for introducing the couple, was captured and locked up as a POW at Gettysburg. Arthur apparently made it so his wife could visit. And like so many families during the war, the Arthurs had to navigate a complicated dynamic of fighting a war that pitted neighbor against neighbor, friend against friend, brother against brother. Luckily, the Arthur's marriage survived the conflict, and as Arthur's political career flourished, Ellen continued her support, happy to help build the life she envisioned for them. Together, the couple had three children: William Lewis Arthur, born in 1860, Chester Allen Arthur Jr., born in 1864, and Ellen, who went by Nelly, who came in 1871. The Arthurs lost their firstborn William during the war in 1863, and his death at such a young age rocked the couple, but perhaps in a testament to the strength of their bond, the couple persevered. Arthur was frequently away from the family home, usually off conducting party business and making connections with influential men in the various nightclubs and restaurants throughout the city, or upstate, working to get a friend re-elected, which was the case when he learned that his wife had come down with pneumonia in January 1880. Arthur was delayed in getting home, arriving only after Ellen, whom he lovingly referred to as Nell, had greatly deteriorated. She passed away just hours later on January 12th. She was just 43 years old. Carrying immense guilt, Arthur threw himself into work, and as you know from listening to last week's episode, Arthur would eventually become president of the United States. Upon assuming the office, DC papers were curious as to who exactly would take over as the social secretary. It is believed that the incoming president conferred with former First Lady Julia Grant for advice on making a selection, even inviting the wives of cabinet officials to help him make a choice. Ultimately, Arthur called upon his younger sister Mary to fill the role. Mary, who also went by Molly, had been put in charge of caring for his daughter, and after learning of his Bright's disease diagnosis, the president desperately wanted to spend more time with her. Thus, he called upon his sister to see if she would be willing to serve as hostess. Molly, born on July 5th, 1841, in Greenwich, New York, was well educated, attending the Emma Willards Seminary from roughly 1858 to 1862. She married at 19 to Albany Insurance Company president John Edward McElroy in 1861, and the couple had four children. While there was some press speculation that Molly would not last long in her post, she came to enjoy the trappings of the White House and continued to serve in her post during the busy social season for the remainder of her brother's administration. But she did have her own family in upstate New York, and so Molly did a balancing act of sorts, where she split her time between DC during the peak social calendar and her home in New York during the offseason. There was a bit of a learning curve, namely the physical demands that came with being the social manager, and Molly had to build some stamina in receiving guests and shaking hands. Molly later admitted that, as I imagine most new residents, she had absolutely no idea what she was doing and was unfamiliar with the various customs that came with living in the White House. Regardless of her unfamiliarity, Molly served admirably, even managing to avoid political debates of the day and ignoring calls from the Women's Christian Temperance Union to ban alcohol from the White House. In a cool bit of history trivia, the transition between the Arthur and Cleveland White House represents the only time that two sisters were serving as the social managers of the executive mansion. Ellen Lewis Arthur never got a chance to see her husband become vice president, let alone president of the United States. Two posts I think she would have been thrilled to see him achieve, given her ambitions. It remains unknown exactly what mark, if any, she would have left on the White House. And as it stands, her husband made sure to redecorate the home to his standards. And Mary Molly McElroy was limited in her influence, both by the nature of her posts and her time spent in the Capitol. But she endeavored to serve the White House with respect and to fulfill the role as her brother wanted. It was not the first time the executive management would be without a first lady, and it would not be the last.