Julia Dent Grant

Welcome to Civics and Coffee. My name is Alycia and I am a self-professed history nerd. Each week, I am going to chat about a topic on U.S history and give you both the highlights and occasionally break down some of the complexities in history; and share stories you may not remember learning in high school. All in the time it takes to enjoy a cup of coffee. 

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Hey everyone. Welcome back. 

We’ve spent the last two episodes diving into the life and legacy of 18th president, Ulysses S. Grant. As you may have picked up on by now, I have a little tradition of also covering the women who helped make the quote-unquote great men in history’s lives possible. As I have covered in episodes about Abigail Adams, Martha Washington, and Mary Todd Lincoln, it is largely thanks to the women who proved capable in managing home and family that their illustrious spouses were able to make history. 

Julia and Ulysses Grant were married for almost 40 years before he preceded her in death in 1885. The couple, who came from very different backgrounds, made a strong team and together weathered the Civil War, a two-term presidency, and a trip around the world. The first First Lady to write her memoirs, Julia Grant was a dedicated and enthusiastic partner. 

So this week, I am covering the life of Julia Dent Grant. What was her childhood like? How did she handle life as a military spouse? And what were her thoughts on the politics of the day? 

Grab your cup of coffee, peeps. Let’s do this. 

Before I dive into the life of Julia Grant, I want to start with a bit of a warning. Grant grew up in the state of Missouri and during a time when it was considered acceptable to enslave others. She was someone who benefitted from the forced servitude and labor of others and in writing her memoirs in the 1890s, it is my interpretation that she still held some questionable beliefs about this period in her life. Grant writes of those her family owned as servants and repeatedly indicated how happy these people were to be serving her family without pay or ability to leave the premises. I say this because in building this episode I drew from Grant’s words and I understand how upsetting the classification of servant can be when referring to forced bondage. However, I think it is important to cover historic actors as accurately as possible and in using her words - especially when women of this era are so underrepresented in the available primary sources - I believe we get a better sense of who exactly Julia Grant was. Thus, while I included some of her word choices, I hope it is clear that I am doing so only to provide context to better understand the topic of this episode. With that, let’s dive in.   

Julia Boggs Dent entered the world on January 26, 1826 near St. Louis, Missouri to her parents Frederick Dent and Ellen Wrenshall Dent. Julia was one of eight children, evenly split between boys and girls, although her sister Mary died in infancy. In memoirs written later in life, Julia Grant would describe her adolescence as quote, “one long summer of sunshine, flowers, and smiles to me and to all at that happy home,” end quote. 

The patriarch of the family was a merchant and owner of a plantation, known as White Haven, where he enslaved African Americans to help him earn a living. At least a few of those who were enslaved worked inside the home, helping to raise the children and perform various housework duties. The future First lady would later write about her quote unquote servants who, in her telling, were loyal to the Dent family and happy to be of service. In fact, despite the fact that her future husband would spend his presidency largely trying to secure the rights of newly emancipated Black Americans, Julia Grant grew up surrounded by enslavers and the enslaved believing all to be normal. Even in writing her story decades later, Grant described the enslaved members of the Dent family as quote: “very happy. At least they were in mama’s time, though the young ones became somewhat demoralized about the beginning of the Rebellion, when all the comforts of slavery passed away forever,” end quote. 

Considering the wealth it took to own other humans, the Dents were upper middle class and, showing a bit of progressive thought for the era, ensured that all of their children - girls and boys alike - received a strong education. Julia spent her youth attending the Misses Mauros’ boarding school in St. Louis before returning home to meet the young man she would eventually marry, Ulysses S. Grant. The young soldier, who had traveled to Missouri at the invitation of his West Point roommate and Julia’s brother, Frederick, was immediately smitten with the charming belle. The young lieutenant made frequent visits to the Dent home over the course of several weeks, taking Julia out for walks and out on rides on horseback. Upon receiving orders to report down south for training, Ulysses asked if Julia would consider wearing his class ring - something he previously mentioned in passing as an action he would take to secure an engagement. Julia initially demurred, but came to regret her decision once Grant left, later telling of a dream she had of her future husband returning to her. In her telling, her dream came true and Grant returned, staying in St. Louis for a week where he professed her love for Julia and asked for her hand in marriage. Although Julia realized she also had feelings for the lieutenant, she felt that 18 was too young for marriage and consented to being engaged instead. 

As I covered in my episodes about Grant, the couple married after Grant’s tour in the nation’s campaign against Mexico in 1848 in the bride’s family home in St. Louis. The young couple welcomed their first child in 1850, a boy they named Frederick, in honor of Julia’s father. This was followed by Ulysses Jr. - who went by Buck - in 1852, Ellen - who went by Nellie - in 1855 and Jesse in 1858. The couple were doting parents who showered their children with affection and often allowed them the freedom to be a little rambunctious. Although Grant grew up with a mother who was described as someone who was not overly affectionate toward her children, he did not follow in her example and was quite the loving parent, perhaps indulging his children a little too much. Given the era and Grant’s long absences from home, most of the child rearing fell on Julia’s shoulders. 

The young family moved as needed according to Grant’s military post assignments and Mrs. Grant took great pride in maintaining their home within their means. The two year separation when Grant was stationed out west was a trying time for the couple, and both were all too happy to be reunited once Grant resigned from the Army in 1854. Between his military departure and the break out of the Civil War, Grant tried to earn a living as a farmer, tilling a plot of land deeded to him by his father-in-law. This was not an economically prosperous time for the couple and created some tension between Julia’s father and her husband. In her version of events, Mrs. Grant minimized the financial strain of this period, insisting that the family managed quite well. Whether this was written from a place of protection or wish to keep hardships private, the family’s decision to move east in 1861 betrays that perhaps not all was as prosperous as Mrs. Grant would have readers believe. As I covered in my episode on Grant, the young family moved from Missouri to Illinois where Grant begrudgingly joined his father’s tanning business. This of course did not last long as when the Civil War broke out, Grant re-enlisted, hoping to use his military training to help the war effort. 

Grant’s choice to aid the union further increased tensions with his in-laws, with Mrs. Grant caught in the middle. While her husband was busy preparing to defend the federal union at all costs, her father was in support of the confederate cause and was not shy about sharing his feelings on the matter. Mrs. Grant was very close with her father and undoubtedly worried about what the war could do to their relationship. Despite her concerns, however, Grant remained firm in her support of husband and, as explained in her biography posted by the National First Ladies Library, quote “it was a tribute to Mrs. Grant’s considerable exercise of charm that she was able to maintain her absolute loyalty to her husband during the Civil War while avoiding an outright breach with her father,” end quote. 

A testament to the mutual care and affection the couple held for each other, Mrs. Grant was a frequent visitor at her husband’s camp. These visits were done at his request and only when he felt the situation and location was safe enough for his wife to travel. The couple enjoyed several extended visits throughout the war, including in Cairo, Illinois where Mrs. Grant stayed in camp for several weeks with only a brief interlude. When circumstances necessitated her departure, Mrs. Grant got quite upset, writing later in her memoirs, quote: “After leaving Cairo and my husband, I was very lonely and, after retiring for the night, I wept like a deserted child; so overcome was I with my desolation that my sobs brought a kind lady passenger to my side. She asked if she could do anything for me. I could hardly say to her that I was only homesick,” end quote. 

On her numerous visits to her husband in the various union army camps, Mrs. Grant tried to be of service, frequently working as a nurse at the makeshift hospitals in camp. She frequently brought Julia, an enslaved woman Mrs. Grant held claim to before the war. Despite being warned against venturing into free states or union controlled areas with her quote unquote human property, Mrs. Grant was convinced that her “servant” was quite happy and would never try to leave - a falsehood she had to face once Julia left Mrs. Grant’s side, seeking self-emancipation by escaping to the union-held Jackson, Mississippi. In her memoirs, Mrs. Grant shared her offer to assist the war effort in other ways and her embarrassment when she was asked to make socks for soldiers when she did not know how to sew. Grant later wrote that from that point forward, she felt the best way she could support the war effort was to take good care of the couple’s children.  

As a frequent visitor of the camps, people began to recognize Mrs. Grant, and eventually sought to use her relationship with the military leader to their advantage. More than one individual approached Mrs. Grant, requesting that she relay messages to the commander, intervene on their behalf, or try to secure certain positions. Mrs. Grant did her best to politely ignore these overtures, but her resolve tended to diminish when she received requests she thought were reasonable - especially if they originated from military members or their families. The general proved more often than not unable to rebuff his wife’s requests and often granted whatever request she made. But even the General’s patience could wear thin and he eventually told his wife that her visits with him were supposed to give him a break, not bring more headache to an already demanding, time consuming endeavor. 

One of Grant’s many trips to visit her General husband included in February 1865 when President Lincoln held talks with Confederate representatives in an effort to broker a peace, known as the Hampton Roads Peace Conference. The meeting between rebels and the president lasted several hours aboard the River Queen steamship, anchored near Fort Monroe in Virginia. When the President came to discuss the matter with General Grant, Mrs. Grant asked if he had succeeded in negotiating a peace. Upon hearing that he had not secured an agreement, Mrs. Grant inquired as to why, making a comment about the other side being composed of Americans - perhaps insinuating that the president demanded too much in the name of peace. In true Lincoln fashion, the president did not try to argue with the woman before him, instead he reached into his hat and produced his terms of surrender which were simply requiring the confederate soldiers to put down their weapons and that confederate states had to submit to federal authority. In Mrs. Grant’s eyes, the terms were very liberal. When she expressed her surprise that these terms were not accepted, the president gave her a smirk and said quote, “I thought when you understood the matter you would agree with us,” end quote.  

As her husband’s profile increased, so did Grant’s. Like Mrs. Lincoln, Mrs. Grant faced accusations of secretly holding sympathies for the confederacy given her family history. But, like Mrs. Lincoln, Mrs. Grant remained steadfast in her support of her husband and the union. It also became increasingly dangerous for Grant to visit her husband in camp, as pictures of the military leader’s wife had been distributed widely. This meant her frequent travel into enemy territory put her – and the couple’s children – at risk for kidnapping by the confederacy or confederate sympathizers. Despite the risks, Mrs. Grant continued to make the visits whenever asked by her husband to do so. 

Becoming well known also brought up a source of embarrassment for Mrs. Grant, who suffered from a condition called strabismus, more commonly known as crossed eyes. It was something that bothered her throughout her life, but became especially troublesome for her as her husband’s notoriety increased due to the war. The future first lady was so self conscious of the condition that she was only photographed in profile, hiding her bad eye. Grant even looked into a procedure to correct her eyes, but was told she was no longer a candidate for the procedure as it was normally performed on younger individuals. Upon disclosing this to her husband, he apparently responded with a command that she never speak of fixing her eyes again, stating that he fell in love with her eyes just the way they were. 

As her husband was elected to the presidency in 1868, Mrs. Grant took to the role of First Lady enthusiastically. She hosted the nation’s first state dinner in 1874 as well as afternoon teas and public receptions. She oversaw several upgrades to the executive mansion, including the installation of new gas chandeliers which were put in just before their daughter Nellie’s wedding at the White House on May 21, 1874. The first lady did not just stop at playing the role of the nation’s hostess. She was also a frequent guest at Senate hearings, chatted with diplomats, and read through the president’s mail. Unlike so many First Ladies in history, Mrs. Grant was one of those who was sad to leave the White House, writing fondly of her time there nearly twenty years after her departure. 

In their retirement, the Grants embarked on a world wide tour, visiting several countries where the former president was welcomed heartily. Their international travels take up the bulk of Mrs. Grant’s memoirs, where she dedicated over half of the text to describing the many accolades and praises her husband received in the exotic locales. In writing her memoirs, Mrs. Grant focused almost entirely on the life of her husband, even stopping her memoirs with her husband’s death in 1885. Unlike her famous husband, Mrs. Grant struggled to secure a publisher for her memoirs, unable to find someone with whom she agreed. She spent her remaining years as a financially secure woman, thanks in part to her late husband’s decision to write and publish his memoirs, and she lived out her days in Washington, D.C. Mrs. Grant also dedicated her remaining time to promote the memory of her late husband, including attending the 1897 unveiling of Grant’s Tomb in New York. She passed away in 1902 at the age of 76. 

Julia Grant was a capable, dedicated partner to her husband and someone who relished the opportunity of being First Lady. Growing up as the daughter of an upper class merchant who was unsure if she could make it as a military spouse, Grant proved her father and any other naysayers wrong with her constant vigilance over her husband’s reputation. She broke the mold in many ways, benefitting from having a spouse who indulged her curiosity and treated her as his partner in life. And while she was a woman of her era and region, Mrs. Grant was also bold and unafraid to express her opinion. A woman who took the role of First Lady seriously and with joy, Mrs. Grant laid some important groundwork for future first ladies, demonstrating that it was possible to be both the nation’s hostess and political partner. 

Thanks, peeps. I will see you next week.  

Thanks for tuning and I hope you enjoyed this episode of Civics & Coffee. If you want to hear more small snippets from american history, be sure to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks for listening and I look forward to our next cup of coffee together. 

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